Trying to get better...

-So I'm trying to get better at posting, but not likely...

-So for those of you who get Christmas cards, they will be late. I've been working on the letter, but haven't picked out a card picture yet. As I will be spending the next 4-5 days straight driving 4-500+ miles a day for work, from Eugene, Oregon, to Atlanta, GA. I am actually in Reno, NV tonight after covering 480+ miles in about 9 hrs. The issue is finding a hotel, and then the DOT driving time rules I have to follow.

-So I need to leave early, I missed an awesome drive through some probably gorgeous scenery through a few national parks and forests.

-So I'm driving through this national forest, it's freakin' dark out, raining, and I have no clue where I'm going on a two lane road, heavy fog, the shoulder is roughly 1' wide soft dirt, there are signs warning for deer, and the trees are right next to the road, and after the shoulder ends, the road drops off a good sheer 10', and then signs warning about cattle, fucking A!

-And the elevation changes today were crazy, I went up and down mountains all freaking day! From sea level up to and over 4000+ foot passes, and then miles of descents marked with signs warning trucks...kiss though brakes good-bye...

I'm back

-So I apologize for the lack of posts, but I was without my personal computer for the last 4+ weeks while I had them swapped out back in Maine.

-Fuck me, the damm ugly ass bartender spoke shitty English and comprehended even less. Then the only other dude sitting at the bar also didn't speak English very well, but he comprehended English alot better than she did. Good grief!

It's October 26th

-It's October 26th in Saskatoon and it's fucking snowing. I've got a 19,000lbs rear wheel drive truck and it's freaking snowing...yippie...

Canada - The Unsavory Side

-Must only be in freaking Western Canada. Twice I've been blasted in the head, along with half the bathroom floor when turning the water from tub spout to shower head, but never in the US. And tonight, it blasted the back wall on the tub edge and the toilet seat. Either it's crappy guests or housekeepers, where's a decent illegal Mexican when you need one?

-So on the way to Saskatoon(yes it rhymes with poon) for Regina(and yes, it rhymes with vagina) I stopped at a rest stop with a brown sign indicating it had bathroom facilities. Apparently the brown sign instead of a blue sign means it's an outhouse. With out a doubt the nastiest friggin outhouse I've ever seen in, worst in North America, bar none! Toilet seat was gone, people had shit all over the toilet, mostly the back half and consequently the floor, shit and vomited on the back wall, the floor was liberally pissed on,  and the smell was worst than a full porta-potty on a hot day at a county fair. Had it not been for the dude standing outside his pick-up right by the outhouse, I would of pissed in the field, hell, I would of rather pissed up wide in the wicked breeze blowing that use the outhouse, I felt cleaner before hand when I thought my bladder was gonna blow!  I hope none of you ever have to experience the horror that I experience today *shudder*

The Robin Chronicles II...Part 4

The Robin Chronicles II...Part 4

-Only in America do you find a Wal-Mart DIRECTLY across the street from a $1.2 billion dollar stadium, that’s right folks, there is a f-ing Wal-Mart across the street from The House That Jerry Built!

-Never poop in a hotel room with the door open. The lack of air flow can make it take forever for the smell to dissipate, even with the windows open and if it has ceiling fan running full-tilt, bad news, bad news....

-So I was out for dinner at a place in Waco, Texas (yup, David Koresh and those psycho Branch Davidians) and they had a ½ price on the Crazy Wings. Good times. Their chicken with jalapenos and Jack cheese wrapped inside them, and then the whole thing is wrapped in bacon and deep fried! And the bacon stays on the chicken! Very tasty indeed, and Mr. Matt is probably figuring out how to make them as you read this...

-So I got smart and started using the voice recorder on my BlackBerry to record clips to remind me what to write here. Until one day when I put my phone in my pocket with out locking it, and had to erase 62 9 minute and 30 second clips of the truck, and garbled conversations of meeting with customers and talking to the rep. Not fun at all, unless you enjoy thing like poking yourself in the eye with a sharp stick.

-So I did get the chance to go to Oklahoma City, OK. Problem was I was staying in Fort Worth, Texas. Nothing like 7 hours of driving just to get to and from your calls for the day. But on the bright side, I did get to eat at “Toby Keith’s I Love This Bar” and Rob, I did think of you. Freaking awesome! Big American flags hanging up, bright beer signs, Ford tailgates made into bench seats, just classic redneck American done nicely, and country music playing!

-So I’m driving around the US and Canada in my big ole’ custom truck, cost somewhere north of $100K (probably one of the most expensive rides I’ll ever drive) and the sucker doesn’t have cup holders, not a single one!!!! There maybe be some Robin modifications made, but I’m debating holesaw into the custom counter vs. PVC and epoxy....

-So I was down in Houston and was saw cab called, and I shit you not, “The Black Express, the Slab Cab” and of course it had the big shiny chrome rims, and chrome mirrors, chrome trim, chrome around the light, chrome door handles, everything except the paint(shiny blue) was freaking chrome, right down to the letters...and some people wonder why stereo-types exist and others believe them...well, the dude driving wasn’t white...

-I love how I can walk into some hotels, just give them my name and agree to keep the charges on the card, and I’m off to my room. Other places, you just gotta show a credit card, and others still you gotta show a credit card AND your driver’s license. No rhyme or reason, price point or otherwise.

-So I am going to the Arkansas Razorbacks vs. Texas A&M Aggies game at the House That Jerry Built. And there is a TON or Razorback fans driving around. And they are not subtle. Multiple flags flying, giant stickers on the doors and back-end, shirts, everything except the face paint(I’m sure it’ll be there at the game). On Friday morning, a little after 7 am I drove by the RV lot to find out where my tailgate is, and there were dozens of big-ass RV’s already there. Flying giant Razorbacks flags, giant Fathead sized decals, tents, and some RV’s in possible Arkansas influenced colors. I love college football!

-The thing you see crossing the Red River from Oklahoma into Texas on I-35 is a porn store...just saying...

-The Oklahoma migration to Dallas for the Red River Rivalry game is unlike anything I have ever witnessed. For 200 miles, I was passed by a steady stream of OU Boomer Sooners. Lots of dualie work pick-ups with couples, cars, SUV’s, work trucks, just insane. And again, the flags, big OU decals and everyone wearing red, although the Arkansas fans are more open and loud about it with the vehicles. And the OU followers include some spectacular talent, and lots of damm good talent.

-And the scene in Dallas at the hotel 5 miles from the stadium the morning of the game was nothing short of pandemonium. A huge lot crammed full of cars, a ton of people, all wearing OU red or UT burnt orange and a traffic jam of limos, cabs, and stretch Hummers picking up people, along with those driving. Nuts.

-So over the past 2 days I’ve cover 800 miles of Middle America, through Kansas, Nebraska, and into South Dakota. Thankfully alot of it wasn’t on your typical highways, but back road “highways”. IE, one lane in each direction with a dotted yellow line in between, and a speed limit of 65mph. These have rolled through some of the most beautiful and empty countryside you could imagine. Nothing like cresting a rise in the road and seeing a valley spread out for miles below, and the fields and pastures for miles on either side. Today i could see over 100 miles to the Rockies to the far West. Unreal how beautiful it was. And the road was empty. I often would pull over to take pictures and could cross the road with ease, hardly ever got passed while stopped, and it was just a gorgeous, peaceful cruise through what has accurately been described as God’s Country. Days like today are why I love this job.

-And then I crest the hill into Rapid City, South Dakota, the closest city to Mount Rushmore. 68,000 people and it looks like somebody opened up a bag and flung a city across a valley. Gaps between areas, no rhyme or reason to it, just a sprawling mess. Hell, there was even a hayfield between my hotel and downtown!

-And downtown is right out of a 1950’s movie, with the cars parked at an angle to the curb, and quaint buildings and shops right down Main Street. Awesome.

-So I passed a BNSF work train with two engines and about a dozen open-top box cars. And on top of two cars they had full-size backhoes. That’s right, BACKHOES ON TOP OF BOXCARS! On the front under the bucket was a giant clamping device to help hold them on, and the back where the two stabilizers go down, each of those was also a clamp to hold it perched above the opening in the box car. And what were they doing up there? Reaching into the cars and hauling out and depositing new railroad ties at steady intervals along the track, which I passed the piles of for the next 20+ miles. Gonna be alot of working on the railroad in Nebraska, but backhoes ON TOP of boxcars!

-I’d like to see them lift those backhoes up into the air and get them clamped to the narrow sides of the box cars. And watch out for any bridges...

-When I was in the Dallas area, I stopped into see Andy Morgan and his lovely family. He was kind enough to let me do some was, but he ended up doing my whites b/c I was going to throw them all in, like always. Anyways, not sure what he did, but damm, my clothes have never smelt so good!

-I am on a mission to decimate the bug population across Canada and Middle America one mile at a time with two giant windshields and a big front end, which some guys like....

-So I visited Mount Rushmore, and it was more impressive than I expected, and the views from the mountain are incredible! It is definitely bigger in person than I expected, and well worth the trip. A person can easily spend several days on the area around Rapid City, SD that is the closest town to Rushmore.

-After I left Rushmore, I went and visited the Crazy Horse project. Talk about slow. I don’t think it’ll be finished in my lifetime. They do it all on donations, and only have the face done. They say it’s massive, but you really can’t get close enough to gauge the size unlike Rushmore. Can’t say I was impressed.

-And then I went and did one of the scenic drives as the day was fast approaching it’s conclusion(and mind you, I left the hotel at 8am!). I got a map at Mount Rushmore that showed a scenic drive, and I noticed that there was several tunnels on the route. One I was too wide for, the tunnel was 8’ wide, and I’m 8’ without the mirrors, and another I was too wide and too tall for. So I went the other way b/c it appeared I would fit through the three tunnels...so I’m driving along, and I get to where I want to start this adventure and there’s a big, clearly visible sign that said “No Trucks” which I drove right by after getting a picture of it...Good thing it was late in the day, because the road was up and over a mountain, and all hairpin turns and switch backs. Basically no shoulders, and each lane including the paint wasn’t always 8’, I could see the tires driving on the lines...and on several of the turns I had to throw the front end wide onto a shoulder if there was one, or more often, take ¾ of the road to make the turns, but the views and the wild life were well worth the extreme attention I had to pay to every second of driving. And then I got to the first tunnel...and talk about tight. By their measurements I should have had plenty of clearance, but I was just low enough and if I got stuck in the tunnel, there would have been no opening the doors, glad I made it! I wish I had taken a picture, but I couldn’t open the door, and I wouldn’t want to be blocking the road in a logo’ed truck, maybe another time...

-It’s not supposed to be cold tonight, only about minus 4 degrees

October 9th, 2010

So today I'm gonna walk 2.5 miles through a sea of traffic to get to a professional tailgate, were talking full on cooking rig, fajita's, BBQ, and cold beer. All for free, family is a wonderful thing. And then off to the Arkansas Razorbacks vs Texas A&M at The House That Jerry Built, and holy shit is it massive! Retractable roof, 110' sliding glass doors, and what has to be the world's largest freaking TV. It's in Texas and it surpasses bigger. And the atmosphere of a college football game, in Texas, the women should be unreal...I love America!

Wooooo Pig Suieeee! Go Razorbacks!

Oh yeah to the Tex Mex and fancy steak!

So I was in the restroom of the fancy hotel and conference center in Dallas this morning at the end of the show, just before noontime. I was the only patron, and in the stall doing some "paperwork" and as I started to think it was wicked rank and acrid, someone walked in to wash their hands by the sounds of it, and he said out loud "woooo, somebody tore it up in here!" which made me smile and a little bit passed as it sounded like he washed his hands, and as he walked out I could hear him go "Damm", which made me chuckle pretty good. Nothing like having your good work appreciated.

Diners, Drive-ins, and Dive's...BBQ!

So I did Uncle Lou's in sketchy Memphis from Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives on the Food Network, not that I ever watch TV anymore. Every hotel has a different cable package and I keep changing time zones.

Then on Saturday I did Green Mesquite(also from Triple D) in Austin, TX, and had the 3 meat plate with brisket, pulled pork, and pork ribs, pinto(baked) beans and green beans. Good taste on the meat, not too much smoke and tender, the sauce (there is only one) was great and I was quite happy. So for take-out for an evening of college football I the chili with chopped beef and the jumbalya. The chili was good with a good hint of spice, but no corn which I like in my chili. And the jumbalya was great, I had it for dinner (along with a 12-pack of Fat Tire) and breakfast, definitely a place I would strongly recommend and go to again. I did have to park on a side street, but that what happens with a fricking 35' truck.
Then Sunday lunch I drove a total of 90 minutes out of my way to eat at The Salt Lick Bar-B-Que(Triple D and more than one Travel channel show) original location in Driftwood, TX. And blew right by the entrance. And missed the confusing next entrance that said "Do Not Enter, Buses Only" I eventually got turned around a few miles down the road (it's not in a highly populated area) and pulled into what was marked as the bus entrance, which was actually just the exit. Oh well, so life goes with the truck. And the place was MASSIVE. We're talking two buildings, and a giant, dusty bumpy parking lot. The parking lot was good, as I weaved my way through the craters to the back and parked. Even with a pile of people, I was seated in less than 5 minutes, and first thing inside the door is the massive, 6 foot diameter, wood fired pit heaped with slabs of ribs, brisket, sausage, just lots of goodness. Again, I went with a 3 meat plate, pork ribs, brisket, and sausage, baked beans and potato salad. And I don't eat potato salad, ever. No mayo, salad dressing bullshit, or mustard for me. And I told the server I didn't want the potato salad, and he asked if I'd ever had theirs, nope. Apparently theirs is made with potatoes, onions, salt, pepper, and BAR-B-QUE SAUCE!!! So I found possibly the one potato salad in the world I'll eat, although it was more like roughly smashed potatoes with BBQ sauce served room temp, but tasty. The meat had a fantastic taste and the smoke was perfect, and the smoke ring was impressive, no faking that bad boy. The sauce, both the traditional and habanero, I'd skip them and eat the meat straight up, the sauce isn't very good. The habanero isn't spicy, and the traditional isn't tomato based, isn't a vinegar base, and might be a mustard base, but I've had alot better this past week. Hell, already 4 different BBQ joints, 7 meals, in a week and I didn't have a choice where I ate the rest of meals last week. So I'm eating my way through Texas, BBQ joint by BBQ joint.

Which leads me to the unpleasant realization that I need to drink less and eat more salad when I arrived at Salt Lick, stood up in the truck and the button of my shorts broke. Not the string holding it on broke, but the center of the button ripped out. Now I'm not huge, and I've had the shorts since high school, but I did start running tonight and had a salad with dinner. And intend to keep it up. I HATE clothes shopping (just ask Matt and Mer), and I refuse to get fat, it's just bad, and expensive. So I'll put a stop to that after my rude introduction today. Cheap ass button.

I'll try and post my pictures from Green Mesquite and Salt Lick later this week. Tomorrow is explore Houston!

Now Matt can be quiet!

Let's see if I can get the hang of this blogging thing... should be an adventure...

The Robin Chronicles II...Part 3

-I love the hotels where the elevator has no inspection permit, or even note saying it is in the maintenance office. And when they replace the steel cables with bungee cords so when you reach your floor the elevator bounces up & down, and you come to a “stop” about a ½” below your floor. Lovely. Sue the bastards if I ever die in an elevator....

-I went to Niagara falls one day up in Canada, mostly through the kind gesture of one of my mom’s friends who lives up that way who drove 90 minutes to pick me up, to drive an hour back the way he came and played tour guide. I gotta say it’s impressive, not Grand Canyon impressive, but still pretty awesome. I’d like to go back and do the Maiden of the Mist boat ride and the Hurricane deck on the USA side.

-Niagara Falls Labor Day Weekend, not a great idea. We were literally the last car allowed in the parking lot before they closed the gate. Not that I saw a lot of parking other than the massive lot we were in.  It was like the freaking United Nations around the falls. Buddhists, Muslims, one Jew, blacks, Latinos, asians, white people, lesbians, goths, emo esque people, high heels, club clothes, it was all there, awesome people watching!

-We did Niagara on the Lake, which was neat, but more like old school Freeport with little shops and stuff, not really my thing.

-And Wineries. Holy Shit. They grow grapes up there like they grow corn in Iowa. Vineyards and wineries were everywhere. If you like wine, the area between Toronto and Niagara is for you. And they even have this crazy wine called ice wine. They way it was explained to me is they grow the grapes just like normal, but then wait until it gets down to about minus 5 Celsius and then pick the frozen grapes and make wine. And it’s apparently wicked expensive. One guy I worked with said it was very sweet, a dessert wine, and pricey. I’ll just take another Rickard’s Red.

-Nothing like getting lost at the Border Crossing, driving across multiple lanes of traffic, back-tracking, walking a half mile after parking to find out where you had to be is where you parked (It looked like a damm UPS terminal, not a Customs building) walking around, driving the wrong way through the Customs gate because the other lane was closed. Fun shit. Fun like hemorrhoids.

-So I cross over the bridge and pull up to the truck area on the US side, where the Border agents wear guns. And after I give Mr. Happy my paperwork, passport and license, I have to pay the toll. And of course all I have is Canadian money in my pocket. So I simply stand up, unlock the door to the back of the truck and walk in the back to where my American money is in my laptop case. I’ve never been so happy to pay a toll before.

-Back in the US, where the money is all green, speed limits are in miles per hours, I can read all the signs, and ESPN is on TV, Wooo Hooo!

-My truck, yup, she’s a beast. Turns and drive kinda like a battle ship. And as for acceleration, she’s all shit, no git.

-With a massive 13.5 liter Cummins diesel engine with an Allison transmission, she roars. And by roar, I mean always loud in the cab, and sometimes downright deafening, especially up steep hills. She’s all roar, no bite :)

-Speaking of hills, I took a brief jaunt through West Virginia. Nothing like flooring it up a hill, make that mountain, and still watching the odometer go backwards. Good times.

-So I’m driving through the South, and there is more than one “Adult Superstore”, that’s gotta be like the Wal-Mart of dildos and blow-up dolls....

-So there a place called Licking County, Ohio. It’s the home of great foreplay and the only place where people do know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop...remember those???

-The Real Sports Bar and Grill in Toronto. 199 TV’s, including a flat screen above every urinal and a 37 FOOT HD screen above the bar.

-Entering Nashville, there’s a giant billboard that reads “End Socialism, Vote Republican” with a picture of Obama. It wouldn’t be the last billboard like that I’d see in my travels, not that it’s really all that far off the mark...

-Big Bone State Lick park, KY. I don’t even have to say anything.

-South Central Kentucky Cultural Center. If it had been open, I would have stopped.

-Passed a place in Texas that advertised home sales. No big deal, other than the sign said “New, used, and repossessed”. Think about that. Yup, they were talking about the trailers in the back lot.

-Forget the Ex-Lax, just eat some Tex-Mex...

-So I saw this guy in a store. And I’m not sure if he was a midget or if he was wearing his wife’s capri’s...

-Yummmmm is not something a fat chick (especially a sloppy one) should have on the back of her shirt. Ever.

-I stop in Memphis to eat at Uncle Lou’s Fried Chicken from Diner’s, Drive-ins, and Dives. Yup, it’s in the part of Memphis where white people should not go after dark. Wait, that’s all of Memphis. Ya, it’s in a baaad part. But the fried chicken was good, the biscuit was excellent, the sweet tea was good, and I was not a fan of the fried dill pickles. They fry the spears, not the pickle chips, but I’m not a huge pickle person anyways.

-The highlight, other than the chicken, had to be the two chicks. Smokin hot chicks. Traveling together with their dog from out-of-state. One was always outside in the damm heat with their dog, but hot damm, bite-my-hand hot. The dudes at the counter could not have been more helpful, kinda of humorous to observe:) Granted, other than the Mountain-of-a-bitch-Ice-Queen at the register, the people working there were pretty nice. But the dudes got the chicks whatever they wanted, strangely, it always works that way.

-And now for a few thank-you’s. I owe Brian Mull a thank-you for letting me hang-out of Saturday and do a load of laundry, always nice to catch-up with old friends.

-And Heather Evans in Kentucky for making me dinner(tasty), letting me do the remainder of my laundry, and making me a pie(Nana still wins).

-Shawn and Melissa Whitely in Little Rock, Arkansas for food, a bed, and getting tow hang out with their two little girls. Those kids are so cute, it was nice to see ‘em.

-And a HUGE thank-you to Terry and Gayle Whitely in Tyler Texas who put up with me, fed me, and drove me around for 6 days and 5 night while my truck got two new AC’s on the back (not my fault.) It was nice to hang out with family, get my half dozen boxes of supplies shipped to me, do paperwork, and just relax and unwind for awhile. I even got to run a chainsaw for a few hours. They had some trees that needed to be cut, so I put the chain back on the saw and took care of it. Managed to sweat out an entire shirt and a pair of jeans to the freaking knees in 90 minutes. Freaking hot, and the humidity was brutal!             -Kinda fun cruising through their nice community in my big ole’ rig, and the only way to get it in their driveway so they could still get is was to back in, the road was way to narrow to turn. And the lady at the back gate hates me. I just sat there on the side of the road, nope, on the road, waiting for Terry to come lead me in, while blocking one lane on the road, b/c there was no shoulder, and I wasn’t gonna chance the side/ditch.

-Ashley U and her boyfriend Pete for showing me around Austin, letting me do laundry, and letting me park mostly in their driveway, which happens to be the same length as my truck. I was kinda on the lawn on one side, but they didn’t care. And then I ended up spending the night anyways after a few too many cold High Lifes...

“You can buy tits, but you can’t buy ass”

“Her as was so perfect, it looked like it could use a good eating, and I just wanted to eat her ass”

“Dot not feather”

“My doctor says I have a tar deficiency”

“Beef, do you see a vagina over here?”